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Ohhhh Bacardi, WHAT are you DOING?

Jesus Christ.

"There’s this waitress, and everyone loves her pie. And there’s this doctor guy she really likes, and she gives him her pie and he falls in love with her."-My best friend, summarizing the movie “Waitress”(Image Source: Collider.com) 

"There’s this waitress, and everyone loves her pie. And there’s this doctor guy she really likes, and she gives him her pie and he falls in love with her."

-My best friend, summarizing the movie “Waitress”

(Image Source: Collider.com

Hey people who make flavored vodkas: it’s not working. It’s all just firewater.

Victoria Azarenka may not have won the U.S. Open, but she takes the gold for “Most Annoying Tennis Grunt.”
(Image Source: L.A. Times) 

Victoria Azarenka may not have won the U.S. Open, but she takes the gold for “Most Annoying Tennis Grunt.”

(Image Source: L.A. Times

It’s normal to check your email every 18.6 seconds when you’re job hunting, right?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how Emerson had that quote written in his notes. 
(I erased the Twitter user’s name, obviously.) 

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how Emerson had that quote written in his notes.
 

(I erased the Twitter user’s name, obviously.) 

If I were one of the shitty camp employees at the end of Holes, I’d have let the kids have the treasure just so they’d stop yelling at me with what one can only assume was some seriously rank onion breath.

The other night I went into my brother’s room to see what he was up to, and he had just finished playing this video game, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. I knew nothing about it, having not played video games since I was a little kid. And I was definitely unaware of the fact that modern video games have super long video sequences, or, as they call them in the biz, “cutscenes.”
 

So I sat there watching this video with him, and of course I was unable to resist the urge to point out how lengthy and odd this whole “cutscene” business was to me. But other than that, I was patient. And the thing is, I could suspend disbelief enough to the point that I was willing to accept all the crazy shit, like the monster guys. But then at the 2:54 mark, I just had to call bullshit. How the hell do they expect us to believe that that tiny girl is able to pull that guy up from the ledge, and with one hand, at that. It just defies physics. She had no rope holding her back or anything; she’d have gone flying over the edge herself. Anyway, that was the moment I chose to say, “No way! Unrealistic.”
 

Perhaps I’m a bigger nerd than my video-game-playing brother.
 

P.S. The banter between the two characters from 6:55 onward: adorbz.

I would like my life to be like a movie just so that my constant stress about having to go to the bathroom when I’m out would go away.

Tags: Real Talk

"Lunesta: you’ll get sleep—eternal sleep."