Hey people who make flavored vodkas: it’s not working. It’s all just firewater.
It’s normal to check your email every 18.6 seconds when you’re job hunting, right?
If I were one of the shitty camp employees at the end of Holes, I’d have let the kids have the treasure just so they’d stop yelling at me with what one can only assume was some seriously rank onion breath.
I would like my life to be like a movie just so that my constant stress about having to go to the bathroom when I’m out would go away.